Looking Back

I check the blog every day to see if there are any comments to read-- even when I don't have something new to write. Today, I decided to change the picture on the top of the page and I realized something. The new picture I put up was one that I took within minutes of receiving Gabriella. I had to change her because she made a mess. So I cleaned her up and wrapped her in a blanket before I put new clothes on her. Looking back today at the look on her face, she looks like an entirely different child than the one I left behind a week later.

I know that I tell myself that Gabriella is tiny and the time spent away from us is not "that big of a deal." I tell myself that even though I know it isn't true. The educated child development specialist in me knows it isn't true. The mother in me says the opposite for self-preservation sake. But I look at that picture... the look on her face... the confusion in her eyes... and I know that she was scared and had no understanding of who I was. And I know that by the time I left her, she did know me. She did know my voice, my scent, my eyes and my touch. I could see it in her eyes. I know that because I am her mother. No matter how far away from her I might be, I am her mother. And every day, I pray harder than before that she will know that when we see her again.