Will We Ever Be the Same?

I know that people say that they forget about how painful labor was once the baby is here. And APs say they forget the pain of the wait and paperwork once their baby is home forever. I know that. But I wonder if I will ever trust again after this process. I'm not sure I will ever see the world in the same way.

Let's be fair. I have witnessed extraordinary acts of kindness and support throughout this process. That is amazing and wonderful. However, I have also witnessed individuals whose priorities are so excruciatingly misaligned that I can't really comprehend it. I am not so naive that I don't understand that money makes the world go round. I certainly get that. And throughout this process, I have seen it firsthand repeatedly. The ease with which people use children (in this case) as a product with which to turn an ever-expanding profit is mind-boggling.

Many people do not realize that it's not just those people who are having their palms blatantly greased. It's the PGN reviewers who won't sign off on cases quickly because it might nullify their jobs. It's the attorneys who take on more cases than they can manage efficiently. It's the foster families who do it for the money and not for the love of the children (This is NOT the case with Jackelin, mind you.) It's the political system that produces and enforces policies that are in opposition to the health and well-being of the children. It's everyone who plays a role in the extremely corrupt system that makes up Guatemalan adoptions. And as someone who is contributing financially to that system, I carry a lot of guilt. I do believe that just because a child is born in Rwanda or Ukraine or Guatemala doesn't mean that she doesn't deserve every chance at an incredible life. And so I do think that these children deserve better. I think that someone should grow a conscience and do something about it.

And so I am making a commitment to do something. I don't know what it will be. But I promise to do something to make the lives of children in this world better. Maybe it will be through missions or financial contributions or projects. And it may be embarrassingly small in relative terms. But something is better than nothing on any day of the week. (I feel like I'm shaking my fist in a factory from "Norma Rae") But I will do something. Because my God has taught me all along that amazing things are sometimes born from terrible circumstances. And the strength to work in that comes only from Him.